The Psychology Of Success; Part 2
In the first part of this article you learned some very important psychological skills for success. You learned how to build up your self-confidence and how to be assertive, fairly. And, how to ask for what you want, but without being confrontational. In the second part you are going learn how to put things in perspective so that you can counter stress, depression, and anxiety. You’ll see, for example, that the vast majority of worries are unimportant or about things unlikely to occur. People have moods that go up and down, or “bad days” when they feel especially low. Sometimes, however, those low moods can slip into depression, which is much deeper and lasts longer, as long as months or even years. Depression takes away your energy, making you feel like you are wading through mud. Everything becomes an effort. When depressed, you loose interest in the things going on around you. You are unable to concentrate and make decisions. No one knows exactly what causes depression. For some psychologists, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Others look to early childhood experiences. Whatever the root causes, there are things you can do to help dig yourself out of depression. One of the first results of depression, as I mentioned above, is the loss of energy. As a result, you become inactive and sluggish. If you’re depressed, you can counter this by setting some simple tasks for yourself, that because of your depression you’ve stopped doing. And don’t worry that these tasks would normally be easy, like writing a letter or making phone calls. Your depression has made them seem difficult, so they are difficult. If you concentrate on trying to accomplish these small tasks, you will begin breaking the hold of depression. Another excellent way of counteracting your loss of energy is to keep a diary of your daily activities. Divide your diary into hourly slots, and for few days fill in everything that you do. Then go back to the diary and pick out the activities that were most difficult for you to do. Then pick out those activities that gave you the most pleasure. You’ll be surprised at the number of activities that give you pleasure even when you’re depressed. Now schedule as many pleasurable inducing activities as possible into your days. Also schedule activities from the diary that gave you energy, such as exercise. And look for activities that you found to be absorbing. You will, of course have other important daily activities to do. But if you can be aware of and plan activities that energize and give you pleasure, you’ll be taking great steps to defeat depression. As you learned in part one, negative thoughts affect your feelings and negative feelings affect your thoughts in a vicious circle. However, changing your thoughts is especially difficult when in the grip of depression. One way to make the process easier is to distract yourself. Fill your mind with something else to give you a rest from dwelling on unhappy thoughts. For example, turn on the television. You might find after a while that you are not particularly interested in the program and your mind has wandered to another subject, say a memory sparked by the television show. You have thus broken away from the depressing thoughts that were holding you captive earlier. Looking for alternative perspectives to your negative thoughts is a fundamental road out of depression. Reexamine your negative thoughts by using the guiding questions I’ve suggested in part 1. Worry wastes time and energy. Specifically, it interferes with your concentration, complicates decision making, and makes you more pessimistic and problem-focused. Worry also affects your behavior making you less efficient and less confident in your initiative and performance, and more prone to rely on others. Worry affects your emotions, making you feel confused, apprehensive, out of control, and overwhelmed. And it can also be physically debilitating, making you tired and tense. Most of us worry about things that are not worth worrying about. One of the best ways to stop useless worrying is by asking yourself: “How important is the thing I’m worried about?” The hundred-year rule (“Will this matter in a hundred years?”) is one way of answering this question. Since a hundred years is very far, choose a realistic perspective for you: a week, a year, or a decade. Another way of assessing the importance of what you are worrying about is to place it in the context of other bad experiences. Ask yourself: “Where, on the spectrum of bad experiences, is the outcome I’m worried about?” If you put a molehill next to a mountain, you’ll see just how small it is. We have limited resources of time, energy, and life to spend. Worry uses up that time, energy, and life. When you have a problem, ask yourself: “Just how much worry is this worth?” For example, many people avoid litigation even if they have been wronged, because after analyzing the situation, they decide that the months of worry associated with the legal process and the trial aren’t worth the eventual possible rewards. All kinds of dreadful things could happen today or tomorrow. Most of them are unlikely. Don’t play the “What if . . .” game, inviting all kinds of new things to worry about. Something may happen, but you are not totally sure that it will happen. Even if the event in question is very possible, don’t worry about it. Since it may not come to pass, you are worrying for nothing, and you may even attract the situation into your life by worrying about it. Stress causes a major reduction in our efficiency. But the right amount of stress can be good for you, such as when an impending deadline pushes you to work faster. Too much stress, however, becomes counterproductive as you start to make mistakes, become confused and muddled, or loose your concentration. When you get too stressed, you tend to push yourself even harder, which only increases the stress and inefficiency. When this happens take a moment to stop and think. No matter how much pressure you’re under, it’ll be more productive to take the time to step back and put things in perspective. Think about what’s important to you. Establish your priorities. Under stress, you thoughtlessly take up each task as it comes along, without establishing which are more or less important to you. Once you have a clear understanding of what’s important to you, your priorities, use those priorities to guide your next step. You cannot do everything that you want to do all the time, but you can maintain a balance between tasks that are important and enjoyable to you and tasks that must be done regardless. Maintaining this balance is a key to controlling stress. Much of our stress comes from our values and attitudes, which greatly determine how situations and events effect us. For example, if you believe that success in life is measured by success at work, you will be especially stressed by work pressures. Or, if you believe that self-sufficiency is the key to success, you will be stressed by situations in which you need to ask for help. Your self-talk is critically important to relieving pressure and stress. Here are some examples of how you can change your self-talk to relieve pressure: * Don’t say, “I have to get this done.” Say, “I will do as much as I can in the time allowed.” * Don’t say, “I shouldn’t ask for help.” Say, “Everyone asks for help sometimes. I would be happy to help someone else.” * Don’t say, “Others cope far better than I do.” Say, “Everyone is susceptible to stress. I am not alone in this.” Everyone, even the most successful people all have problems, experience stress, and have negative thoughts. The difference is in the way that successful people are able to deal with their stress and everyday problems. With tenacity and practice, you will begin to stop negative thoughts from hurting you, loose most of your worries, and control your stress. When you master these key psychological skills, you will have taken a major step in living the life of happiness and success you deserve. Copyright© 2005 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and achieve total success. He is the founder and CEO of JLM & Associates, a consulting and training organization, specializing in personal and business development. Through his seminars and lectures, Joe Love addresses thousands of men and women each year, including the executives and staffs of many of America’s largest corporations, on the subjects of leadership, self-esteem, goals, achievement, and success psychology. Reach Joe at: joe@jlmandassociates.com Read more articles and newsletters at: http://www.jlmandassociates.com |
Other Articles
Major Depression is the Leading Cause of Disability in the World According to the World Health Organization, major Depression is the leading cause of disability in the world. The only FDA approved long term treatment option for major depression is vagus nerve stimulation.It is the most common and widespread of all psychiatric disorders, and it takes a significant toll on individuals, fami ...Are You Suffering From Tension Headache? Are You Suffering From Tension Headache?Whether headache is the cause of tension or the tension is the cause of headache? Think over…if their origin is due to the common cause?Well, the dividing line between tension and headache is thin.The tension headache is the unique and generous gift of high paced life style of the mode ...Getting Over Abuse I was quite lucky. I wasn't abused as a child, so I knew the abuse happening to me as an adult shouldn't have been occurring. Not everyone who suffers from abuse is that lucky.When I left my abusive partner it was the first stage of recovery. My life was a wreck. I had two children, one living with me at the time, little money and very po ...Effective Mental Health Treatment May Mean Using Alternative Methods Effective mental health treatment doesn't have to mean prescription drugs and hours of therapy. There are alternative methods for dealing with things like stress, depression, memory issues and even age related issues like Alzheimer's and dementia. So why don't we hear more about them? A lack of understand on the part of many doctors keeps the pu ...Natural Remedies for Mild Depression Many people suffer from mild or moderate depression in silence. These people often hide their symptoms from friends and family, hoping that it will just go away on its own. It rarely does however and they would benefit from any one, or a combination, of natural remedies for depression.One of the most popular natural depression remedies ...Physical Symptoms of Depression Depression is often called “mental illness” and most of us know about the emotional symptoms of depression. However, clinical depression frequently causes physical symptoms as well. In fact, a lot of people with depression feel pain or other physical indications, which include:Headaches. These are somewhat widespread physical symptoms of ...Positive Attitude – Energize Your Life Can having a positive attitude energize your life? It can and does, daily. Just as the opposite is true. Having a negative outlook enervates your life and you. Why?What is a Positive Attitude?A positive attitude could be described as an outlook on life with expectation that all will be well, all is well. Similarly, a negative attit ...Stress and Depression are Killing Us! A short generation ago, families could set their watch by the time the father got home from work each day. My dad always walked through the front door at precisely 6 PM and supper was served at 6:10. We’d all sit around the table discussing the events of the day and then go out on the street to spend time with the neighbors when the kitchen chor ...Seasons and Moods 2: Mind/Body Health After taking some basic steps to improve your regimen of exercise, eating, and sleeping, let’s focus on waking up your mind, your activities as a whole person, and yourself as member of your community.MindDo something to jump-start your mind. Read that book you skimmed in high school--or take an interest in the book your ch ...Eating Disorders and the Narcissist Patients suffering from eating disorders binge on food and sometimes are both anorectic and bulimic. This is an impulsive behaviour as defined by the DSM (particularly in the case of BPD and to a lesser extent of Cluster B disorders in general). Some patients develop these disorders as a way to self-mutilate. It is a convergence of two pathologi ...Treatments for Depression and Learning Disabilities Most of the people are unaware about the depression and learning disabilities but these diseases are very common. Children who suffer from learning disabilities suffer with common pressures of everyday living. They either cannot speak fluently or are unable to take stress or are not competent enough to take care of their health and bodies. ...Recognizing Depression Many people suffer from depression, both men and women. Some 10-15% of people suffer from it at some time in their lives. To tell you the truth, this surprises me – I would think it would be much higher. Depression has a tendency to increase with age. This may be due to social isolation, failing mental powers and physical illnesses. Women tend t ...Misconceptions of Depression in the Elderly Depression is a serious condition that is quite common in the elderly. With the proper intervention, depression can be treated and the quality of life is improved. However, there are a lot of misconceptions about depression that stop people from getting the proper treatment. A lot of people think of depression as something that exists only in ...Depression Medication - The Light At The End Of The Tunnel When a person is suffering from the severe disease called chronic depression, most likely he or she may need to be prescribed depression medication as soon as possible. If you have experienced any of the classical symptoms of depression, persisting for more than a month, you may need to visit your physician without fail. You can help yourself an ...Bipolar Disease: When Mental Health Is Affected By Brain Impairment Bipolar disease, if left untreated, can have serious and life-altering consequences. Risk of suicide makes this condition one of medicine’s most troubling illnesses. If you or someone you love is afflicted with this mental health condition, seek help without delay!Perception of reality and everyday functioning can be severely impaired wit ...
|